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Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
Making the Empty Nest Easier
I'm getting ready to send my only daughter off to college and I'm wrestling with lots of emotions - true excitement for Vienna's upcoming adventures which will surely be awesome for her but also a flood of depression, longing for my lost little girl and anticipation of a great emptiness in the place where my role of mother used to be. One friend described it as the life being sucked out of the house.
And then, I can't help but think about my mom and what she must have went through when she let me fly out of the nest. She never complained but now I know it must have been even worse for her - she was divorced with no one at home but a cat.
I lived with her until I was married at 20 and then moved to Spain with Andy who was in the Navy. As my mom always told it - I ran away with a sailor. But, as I think about her, now I am overcome with guilt for what I did to her. How could I do THIS to her? How could I leave her, the one person who loved me more than anyone else in the world, with all these horrible feelings?
Why do we do this to our moms? Now, when I think about it more closely, this is a cycle that has been happening for generations - even more so in the last century as the nuclear family has spread out across the country. Kids leave their parents, go off into the world, raise their own kids, only to be left behind in the same way. Some might think this is the way it should be or maybe it's poetic justice. But, I think it's a vicious cycle that doesn't have to be. At least, it doesn't have to be so painful - for the parents or the kids.
Actually, my real motivation is to save my daughter this same pain in the future. I know it sounds selfish but if I could just communicate with her how important to HER it will be to stay in touch, nurture our relationship and make this transition easier, maybe this cycle can be broken. Maybe she wouldn't have to feel the same guilt I feel for my mom and can teach her children the same. Maybe we can just be better to our parents - for our own sakes.
It seems such a small thing but why not make this time of life one of joy and excitement, unencumbered by loneliness and depression? Who knows, maybe this is one of humanity's lessons that we have to learn to evolve to the next level. Well, I say, let's give it a try. Let's teach our kids to nurture their parents through this difficult time, even when they are so focused on starting their new lives. My whole day was brightened by a call from Vienna, just today. See, it just takes a few phone calls, a few emails, a few "I love yous" to uplift the hearts of the people who devoted so much to our growth and to ensure years of joy and love.
And then, I can't help but think about my mom and what she must have went through when she let me fly out of the nest. She never complained but now I know it must have been even worse for her - she was divorced with no one at home but a cat.
I lived with her until I was married at 20 and then moved to Spain with Andy who was in the Navy. As my mom always told it - I ran away with a sailor. But, as I think about her, now I am overcome with guilt for what I did to her. How could I do THIS to her? How could I leave her, the one person who loved me more than anyone else in the world, with all these horrible feelings?
Why do we do this to our moms? Now, when I think about it more closely, this is a cycle that has been happening for generations - even more so in the last century as the nuclear family has spread out across the country. Kids leave their parents, go off into the world, raise their own kids, only to be left behind in the same way. Some might think this is the way it should be or maybe it's poetic justice. But, I think it's a vicious cycle that doesn't have to be. At least, it doesn't have to be so painful - for the parents or the kids.
Actually, my real motivation is to save my daughter this same pain in the future. I know it sounds selfish but if I could just communicate with her how important to HER it will be to stay in touch, nurture our relationship and make this transition easier, maybe this cycle can be broken. Maybe she wouldn't have to feel the same guilt I feel for my mom and can teach her children the same. Maybe we can just be better to our parents - for our own sakes.
It seems such a small thing but why not make this time of life one of joy and excitement, unencumbered by loneliness and depression? Who knows, maybe this is one of humanity's lessons that we have to learn to evolve to the next level. Well, I say, let's give it a try. Let's teach our kids to nurture their parents through this difficult time, even when they are so focused on starting their new lives. My whole day was brightened by a call from Vienna, just today. See, it just takes a few phone calls, a few emails, a few "I love yous" to uplift the hearts of the people who devoted so much to our growth and to ensure years of joy and love.
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