It is interesting, I think, that I enjoy funerals - I even look forward to them. Most people avoid them, fear them or at least are made uncomfortable by them.
I think my first memory of this was right after 9/11. Being in California, I felt very far away from the tragedy. Andy and I gave to the Red Cross - pushing "Enter" on the keyboard together to symbolize our solidarity in this act of giving, but to me that was so little help in such a huge crisis.
When the time came for the day of prayer, my church had a service broadcast to our chapel. It was important to me that I go and I really wanted to go. My boss at the time said she had no desire to go to a service that day - that it was too much, too difficult to bear. But, for me I needed to feel something! I needed to feel something of the sadness that so many others were feeling - like somehow that would help ease their suffering if I could share it with them. When I went, I did feel a small part of that sadness and I felt connected to others in spirit. We were mourning a great loss and truly grieving together. Like a good cry usually does, it made me feel much better afterward. I think that is part of the purpose of funerals.
I actually don't like the word, funeral. It has such a negative connotation and, to me a service for someone who has passed isn't like that - it's an honoring of that person and their life here on Earth. It's a memorial to them, a gathering of those who loved them to share in the spirit of that person and of God.
When my mom died, I planned what I thought to be a fitting memorial to the woman who sacrificed so much for me - to raise me as best she could on her own, with little money. She brought us to the church that I now love so dearly, which gave me such comfort at her passing. Her memorial consisted of music that she loved, sweet words from friends and family members and a beautiful piano piece by my daughter, her granddaughter. Throughout the service I was sad, but felt so close to the Spirit of God and to my mom that I didn't want it to end. I would have been happy to stay in the chapel hearing the music and words being said all day. It truly was lovely. I learned that day how my mom's illness strengthened those who cared for her, me in particular, and how we were better people for having gone through that with her.
I can't express in words these feelings of the Spirit that are present when gathered together with others to say goodbye to a loved one, but they are tender and peaceful, at least. These feelings come, I know, from the knowledge that the person is not dead but only separated for a time from us and from their body. Often that separation from their body is a freedom, as it is for my mom and for Michael, whom we honored, yesterday. In both cases, as with Ed, my husband's step-dad, and my dear friend Bobby who died years ago, their spirit had been trapped in a body that suffered debilitating illnesses, keeping them from comfort, peace and much of the enjoyment of life that they should have had. Once separated, they are then free to walk, dance, talk, sing or even throw their arms out and spin like a child. Picturing these people that I love in such happiness brings joy to my heart as well.
Gathering together with our loved ones at these times, remembering and honoring a dear friend or family member and reminding each other that we will see each other again one day is a truly grand and special experience that brings real healing, when we understand God's plan for us. We can learn through this sharing how the person's life and even illness and death has strengthened us, taught us valuable principles and helped us to become better people ourselves. That is God's plan, to become strong and caring, like Him, and why I believe we must suffer these tragedies. The memorial or gathering is where that learning culminates and where we can start to see the value of what that person suffered and what we are suffering. It is a time of joy, as well as sorrow. It is a time of love and grace and the Spirit is beautiful.
Afterward, there are people laughing, telling stories about their loved one and strengthening their own bonds of love. This is what life is all about. People are what life is all about and when you can feel this amazing time with others, learn and grow together - it is a true blessing from God. As they say, the veil between this world and the next is very thin and you can feel a little of what it must be like on the other side. I don't look forward to the loss of those I love, but when someone does return home, I love touching heaven just a little bit with brothers and sisters around, and feeling that very special Spirit that uplifts us all. It gives me a clue to what my Heavenly Father has in store for me.
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